I Can Do This With One Hand Tied Behind My Back!

Sure sounds like a brag, doesn’t it? It really isn’t.  Just a thought that arrived as i was pouring my coffee and thinking about writing this post on my little Nook.  It’s more like texting than actual typing, the keyboard is too small to use both hands.  Who knew hunt and peck would ever be so useful?

And, in another story, two days in a row it snowed first thing in the morning. And two days in a row most of the snow was gone by sunset. Is the universe noting that we really have had enough?

I was introduced to the work of Anne Lamott the other day. My daughter-in-law put the book in my hands and i read it cover to cover by the next morning. Helen asked me if i had ever heard of the author…the name seemed a little familiar…but i coudn’t remember the context.  Seems my friend Karen has recommended her…has it been a couple of years ago already? Can’t help wondering why i didn’t follow up on the suggestion sooner. I really like the way Anne Lamott writes.  Plan B Further Thoughts On Faith is such a good book. Now, of course, i must find and read all of her other published works. Funny how i do that with some authors and not others.

Now the hand behind my back has fallen asleep. I have to wake it up and get busy doing other stuff.


I’m Glad I Don’t Know Everything…..Anymore

There actually was a time in my life when I thought I knew everything….worth knowing.  Okay that’s not really accurate.   Even then I didn’t have the hubris to believe I knew EVERYTHING.  However, I did believe I knew quite a lot.  Then life started teaching me.  Now I realize how little it is even possible to KNOW.

What I have learned through experience is life is fluid and words are like mercury. We see life as we are…not as it is.   Having made decisions and judgements in several different frames of mind it is fascinating to discover just how much influence there is in perspective and attitude.  So, how is it possible to “know” things, if that is true?

While living life from intellect seemed the only safe and predictable way to go, there was always a flatness to it.  And mistakes were embarassing…to say the least.  Allowing feelings to run the show was a whole different can of worms.  Some days little or nothing got accomplished while other days were action packed from dawn to dusk.  You could call that balance, I guess.  Either way…something seemed to be missing.  Certainty.  I know what I’m doing.  Or, I know what you are doing….

Living without certainty, predictability is not new to me anymore.  It may surprise you, as it did me, I have gotten more comfortable than I ever thought possible.  The surprises are more often pleasant, the shocks are fewer.  It’s not that life is all peaches and cream….more an acceptance of pits in life as a bowl of cherries.

I have a VERY limited understanding of quantuum physics.  Perhaps it is even a misunderstanding. That said, I believe we see the effects more often than we realize.  Should we ever decide to work in unity, the world, as we know it, will no longer exist.

You won’t see me walking around with a sign saying THE END IS NEAR because that’s not what I’m talking about.  I did actually see someone with a sign like that when I was a kid.  Fifty years later, we’re still here. The end I’m perceiving is quite different and nothing like the destructive scenarios Hollywood is so fond of.  And it’s still a long way off….for better and for worse.

What I’m seeing is more people disatisfied with intellect and machines as the be all, end all of human development.  More people are seeking meaning in life outside work, money, religion, politics, etc. More people are seeing how faulty most of the doctrine is.  If we don’t throw the baby out with the bath water…we should be okay.

Having jumped into this rabbit hole I feel compelled to continue.  Bear with me or not as wisdom leads you.

I am in contention with “new age” religion, as I have seen and heard it, because I perceive it as sugar coated wishful thinking.  Perhaps I didn’t give them a fair try, judged them by the little I have experienced and read of it.  Entirely possible, even likely.  I get quickly annoyed when people go on about positive and negative thinking in a superficial way.  It does not gel with my experience. When I hear people announcing far and wide how happy, joyous and free they are my first thought is, liar.  Lately, being in a more compassionate space it’s more like…wishful thinker……or…who exactly are you trying to convince?  Changing attitudes and perceptions requires effort.  Examination and ownership of mine. As they are now. Living with the discomfort while finding the honesty, openness and willingness to change. Knowing all the while that it won’t happen over night.  Oddly, not as grim as it sounds…although. there are moments, days, sometimes weeks or more.  Even at the grimmest times there are rays of light, moments of joy and laughter, grace.

And that is why I don’t believe the end is near…unless we really do have Hollywoods’ cataclysmic destruction.  We have the tecnology for it.   That’s a scary thought I choose not to dwell on.  I accept the reality of it and keep putting one foot in front of the other seeking ….ways to change from inside out and demonstrate that change so others may choose to follow.  Moving on whether others follow or not.  Knowing that because I don’t know everything I could be wrong in my perceptions and beliefs, or,  just in a different place.

Try…Try again

This is, in fact, my second attempt at a post today.  With all the alertness of a single cup of coffee I wrote and then evidently deleted a post first thing this morning.  Oh well, lots more where that came from.  I guess.

Have you ever stopped to count the number and variety of thought streams you go through every day? Do they all seem to pop out of nowhere?  Sometimes it’s the smallest, seemingly most insignificant things that jumpstart mine.

Yesterday I was driving behind this little red KIA and was suddenly laughing like a fool.  The thought was, he’s got a soul, because he bought one!  Wonder what they were thinking of at KIA when they named that car.  It’s a little thing.  Bigger than the ones I think of as toy cars or clown cars, but, not much.  I imagine it’s fuel efficient and can probably turn on a dime…still…shouldn’t one want or expect more from a soul?

Sunday I had a meltdown over a stupid game…if you have ever played Candy Crush Saga, you may agree with me, or, not.  The result of the meltdown was I have removed all vestiges of it from my Facebook page and my Nooks.  I think I was on level 76 and thought I had FINALLY discovered the challenge of the level and what was needed to beat it.  BUT NO…things kept going round and round on the rest of the board, but NOTHING would move in the top left square…the only place where things could be dropped from the board.  All the while this mechanical voice kept saying crap like “sugar crushed”, “sweet” and whatever other bullshit phrases they have programmed it to say.  What a load of crap!  And the even bigger load of crap is that survey thing they do every so many levels.  They have this meter like a speedometer and at the zero level it says “boring” and at the highest level it says….can’t remember…so innocuous and inapplicable it didn’t merit mental storage space.  A couple of times I swung the needle down to boring and pressed enter….all the while thinking,,,,they don’t ask the right question.  Perhaps “not at all challenging” at one end to “I,ve completed the level WTF just happened?” Because those were my responses more often than not.  I have come to the conclusion that the cloyingly sweet, cutesie games designed by King were never made for me.  If they would be straightforward and just sell the game outright I might view them differently. Then again, maybe not.  I guess they are meant to get people to interact, ask for help, communicate.  Maybe I give them undeserved points, undeserved credit.  All of this right here is meant to delete it all from my mind as I deleted it from my machines.  Just be done with them.  I guess I can’t help wondering about all the people I know still playing those games.  More than one of those folks has referred to the games as addictive.  Like any addiction they have a deleterious effect whether acknowledged or not.  See, some of the boards are exceedingly difficult or seemingly impossible to complete for seven or eight attempts in a row, then boom, you can’t lose.  I have sent and received “extra” lives more times than I can count, yet NEVER had more than five lives at any time.  Same with “extra” moves…unless they were added together to the preset number of moves allotted. In which case WTH, I should be the one who determines when and if I’m going to use them.  Hard to enjoy playing a game when the words arbitrary and capricious are locked into the forefront of my mind.  In my personal opinion these games should be described as gambling…it’s more about luck than skill.  I like a challenge, if it is a challenge.  I am more likely to abide frustration for a practical purpose.  The games don’t serve any observable practical purpose….according to me.

Ah well, No one ever forced me to attempt those games.  I have deleted them from my machines.  I have now taken the time to verbalize some of the more raucous protestations that overcame me while “playing”, perhaps they can now become part of history and not travel around in my head. 

Where there is life, there is hope!

It’s Been Awhile!

Wow! I can’t believe how long it has been since I’ve written something more than a shopping list!  I’m tempted to say and believe it’s due to burn out. When I finished nanowrimo  2 years ago (?!) I totally stopped writing.  So much has changed in that time; where do I begin?

I have moved, technically, three times.  First from a big room to a small room in the same house.  Then to a medium sized room in a different house and finally to an apartment all my own. It is, for the time being anyway.  I’m looking for a roommate.

I still have my little netbook and it still works.  I also have a regular size laptop, two nooks and a smart phone.  I note these things not to brag but to remind myself of the several ways available for writing.  And I have resisted them all.  Until now.

The urge to begin writing again has been creeping in and becoming more urgent for awhile now.  Just last week I told two of my grandsons that I used to blog.  They were astonished.  So was I.  What in the world was I thinking?  Why poke the dragon after all this time? It was sleeping so peacefully!  Too late, it’ s awake now.  And had some coffee!

Have you ever stopped doing something you really enjoy? Something nonaddictive, nonfattening, legal….something you could do in any amount of clothing and didn’t require special shoes or equipment? Ok, blogging requires something with an internet connection. And you do need paper and pen (crayon, pencil) if you’re going to write without publishing….but, you get the idea, right?

Looks like I’m back to the old drawing board….keyboard

How is it possible? November is half gone!


Image via Wikipedia


I  keep checking the calendar, the one on the wall, the one on my phone and the little one in the lower right corner of my handy-dandy Netbook and they all say the same thing!  How is it possible?  November is half gone!  Where did it go?

Yes, the Snickers bars and Milky ways are long gone.  Had some help with that, just so you know.  And I’ve made great headway on my novel.  You know, NaNoWriMo! I apologize that things seem to have fallen by the wayside here.  My intentions were good, but we all know about good intentions; don’t we?  Having made several round trips in the course of my life, I assure you, it’s true.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions! Would I lie to you?

And believe it or not, I do have a life that is not tied to a computer and the internet.  I know, it surprises me too!

There were even a couple of days when the only writing I did was the morning long hand pages.  Some things must go on, no matter what.  those couple of days were a combination of the good and the bad.  Not awful, just not real happy.  I guess they weren’t really “bad” as I think about them now.  No bad news or upsetting events or anything.  Just, no good news or sources of delight either.  Guess I’ve gotten kind of spoiled recently in feeling just so pleased with life I felt like dancing more often than not.  I think I’ve found a balance point.  it could happen.

Still, it is now minutes into the 16th of November and whether I write it or not, I’m thinking already!  I’m still not certain when the downhill run begins.  Might even be as early as September.  Then again, late October is more likely.  When dawn still looks like the middle of the night and dusk arrives sooner every day.  Wonder if that’s what makes time seem to fly.  Shorter daylight hours, no matter how they play with the clock!  Seems once November starts it’ll be a New Year before you can blink twice!

Could just be that I’m getting old.  I heard somewhere that time moves faster for old people.  Maybe I’m just having fun.  I’ve been doing a whole lot of laughing recently.  That helps.

The one thing I know for sure to slow things down is to wait for something.  The more impatient I am, the slower time moves.  Mostly, I don’t wait much anymore, even when standing in line.  Fortunately, I am often easily amused.  If I haven’t brought a book or some portable game, There are usually people to watch.  And wonder about.  And make up stories for.  Never a dull moment.  Once in a while, though, I do find myself waiting, impatiently.  It’s one of the main reasons I have done my best to stop doing that.  Cause waiting in my mind is often followed by, impatiently.  Like string on a yo-yo, they work together and in just about the same way.  Mood goes down, comes back up; mood goes down… you get the idea.  I prefer not to wait.  Seems better for all concerned if my attention is focused on something, anything else.

So, I’m still kind of wondering; How is it possible? November is half over already!

I must be having Fun, Cause Time sure does Fly!

Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits

Image by Steel Wool via Flickr



I must be having fun, cause time sure does fly!  It’s already Friday and it just doesn’t seem possible.  If I didn’t have specific references to  each of the other days of the week, I’d swear they hadn’t happened!

Monday was Halloween, had candy and everything.  Got my favorites and darned glad of it too!  Our porch light is on a motion detector.  Might have mud on it or something, cause it sure didn’t detect any motion and there was plenty of it to be detected. I think it’s just contrary, it detects the hell out of people trying to sneak up and doesn’t shut off for hours, unless you want it to!  Oh well, Snickers and Milky Way….all mine now!

Tuesday I met with friends and then went to a gift making class.  Wrote about it in my blog, so it must be true.  And of course, first day of NaNoWriMo, how could I forget to mention that?

Wednesday, met with a friend, wrote more on my novel and even got my postaday2011 published.  Not bad.

Thursday was more novel writing, a conversation about one of my favorite bloggers which distracted me from doing postaday2011 and an evening with friends that was the usual Thursday night party.  We have dinner at Popeyes and meet some other friends and it can run the gamut from ordinary to quite life changing.  Thursday nights have to be experienced, never predictable.

So, now it’s Friday!  I have to say it once or twice more, I think.  Just until I can believe it. Of course, it might already be Saturday before that happens!

All I can conclude is, I must be having fun, cause time sure Flys!

NaNoWriMo…Only hours from Start!

This is it! Last day of October! NaNoWriMo…Only hours from start!  After the build up, dang!  I’m getting nervouser and nervouser and I doubt that’s going to help.

I found out how to turn off spell check.  That’s a good beginning, right? The web site suggests it to encourage maximum production, minimum perfectionism.  I haven’t tested myself yet to see if I can function without it.  This isn’t like writing long hand.  It might be, without spell check.

I haven’t decided if I’m going to start at 12:01a.m. or follow habit and start in the morning.  I’m curious to find out what the novel will be about.  I have a general idea what I think I’m going to write.  Sometimes it happens, sometimes not.

I found a new distraction today, sitting on a bookshelf here.  Web site design.  Looks a lot like blogging to me, without all the code.  Sadly, it’s an old book and my initial experiment was a crashing defeat.  And NaNoWriMo is only hours from start!  What the hell was I thinking?  Oh, yeah, this is cool. Wonder if I could do this?  Maybe, just not now!  Maybe next year.

It is also Halloween.  I am prepared if trick-or-treaters come a knocking.  Don’t know about the dogs though.  I suspect they will lose their little dog minds.  They are new arrivals here and maybe, just a little, excitable.  At least it’s not fireworks.  Something to be said for that.

There’s a little chill in the air; our preview to winter has come and gone.  We got a little snow.  Very little.  It sure was a weird Saturday, for October.  Today has been rather quiet.  I did see one little princess waiting, with her Mom and sister, for the schoolbus.  I wonder if everyone “Trunk or Treated” this year? I only bought candy I like, so, whatever.

Sorry if I sound like a broken record…NaNoWriMo is only hours from start!

o hai, did u need spell checkz?

Image by annieee via Flickr

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